Another year, another birthday, and I’m moving slowly but surely towards the big 4-O and I more and more understand what people mean when they say that ‘youth is wasted on the young’ — oh if I could plop my now-self into my 20-year-old self…that would be fucking amazing.
I don’t care much about birthdays, which is also maybe a problem. Maybe I should celebrate them more, not the getting older, but celebrate the community I have and turn it into something more life-affirming rather than one more checkmark on the calendar. These are some old ghosts I’m carrying around with me. It’s funny how those old yokes that your upbringing puts on your shoulders are just so fucking hard to get rid off…
Anyway, what makes this also bittersweet is the fact that finally I’ve pushed my BJJ injury from years ago to the point where it’s so bad that I can’t go to class anymore and that I am seriously considering the possibility of never being able to do it again. There is some nerve/disc/muscle-related issue that just won’t go away and I’ve been in constant pain for several weeks now. Yes yes, I’ve been to a doc and I’m doing PT and I do other stuff, but it’s pretty bad. And this is a hobby, I don’t have to do BJJ for a living, I don’t have to compete for a living, and for a hobby it’s just not worth it any more if the discomfort it causes is outweighing the benefits. Now, I’m not saying that I’m calling it quits yet, but, as much as I hate it I’m mentally preparing myself for that possibility.
In other news, a new tattoo! Now both my sleeves are the same length, which is great and it makes it look so much more balanced. But, shit, that stuff hurts. There’s a reason I’m only getting work done every five or six years or so. Pics to follow. Maybe.