Consider the Onion and how it relates to a desire for opium.

Now, I’ve never been involved in any drug related shenanigans. No trouble with the straight and narrow, mostly because I’m not sure what beast lies within. That doesn’t mean that I mind the beer or two. Or three.

Anyway, be that as it may, I like reading about drugs and this piece by Nick Tosches about his quest for opium is a lot of fun to read. Enjoy! Also, the onion plays a role in this!

Yes, I was born to smoke opium, born to smoke it in an opium den. There were a couple of problems, however. For one thing, opium is illegal. True, I am no saint, but I am no scofflaw either.

I suffer from diabetes. My failure to maintain control of this disease through diet, exercise, medication, and the avoidance of stress has mystified physicians, including the foremost of endocrinologists. Only recently was it brought to my attention that, among its many proven age-old medicinal uses—as a cure for dysentery, asthma, rheumatism, etc.—opium was considered to be effective in the treatment of diabetes.

The thought of breaking the law troubled me gravely. But I have always had another disease as well: the desire to live. To not do everything in my power to save my own life would be to break the law of God and of the sanctity of life as well. I deliberated. I meditated. I prayed. I shared my thoughts with a priest—I did not share with him the bit about the envisioned gams draped from the slits of the doped-up broads’ dresses; there was no need to—and he told me, Go for it. I felt better. Now if ever I ran afoul of the law, I could blame it on the priest.

By the way, all his stuff is great, so check out the Nick Tosche archive on Vanity Fair. The article on sushi is pretty grand, too.

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