Lies our fathers told

Forêt de stalagmites

Image via Wikipedia

Well, not necessarily only fathers, but grandfathers, too. And also moms. It just so happens that I remember two weird things my father and grandfather told me when I was little that somehow didn’t really make sense, but were never ‘resolved’ — I was never let in on the joke. They were private jokes, I guess. Private as in: one person laughs. On the inside. And it’s not you.

  • Pee Stalagmites. So the first thing was my dad telling me that, at some point when he was young, one winter had been so cold that, when he went out to pee, the pee froze in mid-air and he had to break it off from his dick. Now, I’m pretty sure that’s not possible. But I remember being little, maybe 4 or so, and thinking about these rows of frozen pee spores that would stand along walls.
  • Sailor Sweat. The other thing was my grandfather telling my that the water that flows out of the side of larger boats was the sailor’s sweat. Yeah, right.

See, the thing about these stories is that some part of even back then I did not really believe them, but I was still a child, so I more or less believed what adults told me, right. Talk about dissonance.

And who knows how this has damaged my relationship with my fellow men.


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